Welcome!

We are all crazy here!

First of all, welcome to Becoming Tamara!

Becoming Tamara is a personal Blog space created to document my transition from John to Tamara.  Yup I was born male however that wasn’t correct as i found out, now I am going to change that, and set things right.

I hope to help educate others as to what being a transgender person really is, and help with understanding, compassion, equal treatment by showing and sharing my experiences as I go through my transition.

I also hope that this will in some way help those who are considering doing the same as well in the future, and can maybe look to these pages and posts for inspiration, or perhaps find similar like minded people who won’t hate people for who they are.

Bear with me, I haven’t blogged before, but I do look forward to sharing my experience and meeting new people who are genuinely interested in knowing me and hearing my story.

Peace and Love!

Tamara Jean Wallace

New Hair … :) Trying different looks :)

So the new wig arrived… and figured a day off would be fitting to try it on 🙂

Here are a few pics…   Ya short and sweet post … 😛

Peace and Love!

Tamara 🙂

New Years 2015 at Moon Base Alpha

So here we are… 2015 … Yep..  made it 🙂  Yay!

I got the exquisite luxury of spending mine on “Moon Base Alpha”, what my new friends Trysch and Steve affectionately call their home.  🙂  Yep my kind of people! 🙂

Queen Hostess, Keeper of the Closet, Trysch 🙂

RPG / Dungeon Master / ModelPaiter Steve 🙂

Now, keep in mind this was the first time I went ANYWHERE as me… and I had not even officially “met” these folks face to face… yet still, I was told… “Come how you want, we don’t judge… its a safe place.”   How cool is that?

So mustering up whatever courage I had… I decided to go for it.  I am going to have to deal with this kind of fear anyway right?  I got completely sidetracked on Facebook, lost track of time, and had to do a rush job of “throwing myself together”  … OOOOOPS!! LMAO 😉  (  good thing this wasn’t a beauty pageant 🙂 LOL )

How things turned out 😛 Yep … its Me! lol

Another pic of the rush job. 😉

So…. with my orders in hand from my Commander ( Penelope ) to find the secret stash of clothes.  Off I went 🙂

Havin a stressful puff before leaving 🙂

I get there, and its an immediate hug!! And “WELCOME!!! Happy to meet you!!” Right that second… Fear went out the window 🙂   We got my coat hung up and stuff organized, the bribery shrimp rings ante’d up ( part of the ReCon plan ;P ), and started to chat and drink and just get to know each other face to face.

It wasn’t a large thing, like perhaps I was expecting, but that is ok too.  I take comfort though, knowing even if it was a huge blow-out sort of thing, I still would have been in a welcoming place.  Her and Steve’s friends are alike, no judging, lets just enjoy. 🙂

Part way through the night, I had to get past the terrifying black floor sloths, the 2 Black Labs they own, to which I was asked if I had a problem with dogs!  These dogs hardly qualify! 😉  They were more like cats… Feed me pet me, let me poo.  😉  Insanely well behaved, and slept often. This was part of my mission!  As a joke, another trans friend ( Penny ) sent me on ReCon to discover the secrets of Trysch’s closet 😉  So this too made the night fun. 🙂

Goin or the goods!!

We took a bunch of cute pics like this one, and updated to Facebook as Penny also had a good laugh over our shenanigans 🙂

We discussed common interests RPGs, Video Games, and so on… which it appears were INSANELY many.  There are enough musical instruments there to kill a full grown elephant! 🙂

Beatiful Katamari at one point came into the picture… an Xbox game that really has no plot, story, or anything else for that matter… but is just damn fun!  PERECT for the night at hand. 🙂

I also go to meet Trysch’s “little ball of hate”  Ziller 🙂  a gecko who frankly is spoiled rotten, ( like the floor sloths! ) and it was so neat 🙂

Look out Tokyo!!! RAWR!!!

I am so thankful for having met these wonderful people who just accept me as me.  I am thankful for Penny and Conny too, without them I never would have met Trysch and Steve.  We may even start Rpg’ing together, and I am looking at finally getting a guitar again…

Its funny what just 1 night on Moon Base Alpha can do. 🙂

Maybe we all need to find our own version of it!

Peace and Love!

Happy New Year!!!

– Tamara 🙂

Starting off 2015 as ME

I know I don’t post often…

perhaps I should post more.

I feel though that this space is reserved specifically for Trans matters, and should stay on topic.  Facebook is where I get all random.  At any rate… to the point of this post.

I have recently been fortunate to have made some VERY great friends on Facebook, and remarkably many of these new friends are right here in Calgary!  I was invited to spend New Years Eve with one such new friend here, and assured, it is a safe place, come however I want.

I was going to go ‘guy’ … meeting new people can be stressful enough as is.  I got to thinking… I am going to have to ‘meet’ people after and during transition…  why not enjoy a safe place and ring in the new year as ME?!  🙂

So I am going for it, and plan to have a great deal of fun, will post an update with pics, and all that stuff once I have recovered fully! lol

Wishing everyone a happy and safe New years.   Hope your 2015 is wonderful!

Peace and Love!

-Tamara

Why Education on Trans issues matters

I recently posted on Facebook something along the lines of educating people will make the difference, and so forth.

To which a friend replied ( and no I won’t name this friend, out of respect) and I paraphrase heavily here ” Well what if people just don’t care?  I don’t care that you are Trans or gay or whatever… so why should that be important to me?”

While I do see the point, and in itself, it is a very valid one.   However I think it has to be looked at from a broader view.

Take for example school, in general.  Not counting uber nerds, geeks and those types ( not an insult… you just excel at academia 😉 ) … how many kids really care about education?  How many would rather be hanging out with friends?  Chilling at the mall?

I know from personal experience, I hated school and education, it was boring useless information being crammed down my throat that I thought I would never need.  AHH…   THOUGHT i would never need.   Its not until you have it, that you actually appreciate and understand the knowledge you gained from it.

I am hardly one to speak on matters of education, being a grade 9 drop out myself, I am what I like to refer to as “real world taught”.   In matters of Trans or LGBT issues though, the more people that just take a bit of time to learn that no. its not a disease, mental disorder, malady or any other sort of deformity the better.  These are people down the road who may just stand up and say to some bigot, “no, you are wrong.”   Someone educated and understanding might actually step in and stop the next senseless murder.  Or at the very least, share what they have learned.  🙂

Its hard for someone like me, who generally doesn’t like being any type of “activist” perse, but in some ways, just who I am will have me doing so anyway.  Educating people isn’t asking for money, isn’t asking you to convert to some pie-in-the-sky religion, its just asking people to open their minds to learn new things that they perhaps don’t understand at present.

With new understanding, maybe there is hope. 🙂

Peace and love,

– Tamara

The wait is on …

Well, I know its not much of an update, but it does pertain to my transition, so it is worthy of note.

I contacted Dr. Raiche’s office today to find that there were over 100 others on the waiting list.  Ya, fun times.  I do admit I am a little down about it, but at least things are still moving, slowly albeit, but moving.  I should be looking at a wait of approximately 3 to 6 months.

Dr. Raiche is the final gatekeeper before getting to Dr. Jablonski and HRT.

I have waited this long, a little more won’t hurt.  I can use the time to work out how I am going to deal with work. 🙂

All is still good.  🙂

now its just … wait… wait… wait…  LOL

Peace and Love!

– Tamara

I am Transgender! ( Molson Canadian Rant do-over )

I’m not a Tranny or a she-male.

I don’t live in a closet, or sing show tunes, or own a tiara.

And I don’t know RuPaul, Paul Simon, or Les Paul, tho I am sure they are all nice people.

I have a penis, or a vagina.

I speak plainly and honestly.

I can proudly sew my rainbow flag on my backpack.

I believe in love and accptance, not hatred and bigotry.

Diversity, not societal assimilation.

And that one day I may be seen as a proud and noble animal!

Disorder is a label, hate is our reality.

And we are human not IT, HUMAN!

Transgender is the most misunderstood of LGBT and the FIRST and easiest to pick out, but the best at being true to ourselves.

My name is Tamara, and I AM TRANSGENDER!

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The above is a reworking of an old Molson Canadian beer commercial, “My name is Joe” Also kknown as “The Rant” the original transcript is provided below:

“I’m not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don’t live in an igloo or eat blubber or own a dog sled. And I don’t know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I’m certain they’re really, really nice. I have a prime minister, not a president. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it about, not aboot. I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack. I believe in peacekeeping, not policing. Diversity, not assimilation. And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch. And it is pronounced zed, not zee, zed. Canada is the second largest landmass, the first nation of hockey and the best part of North America. My name is Joe, and I am Canadian!”

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Peace and Love!

– Tamara

Facebook asked me “What’s on your mind? ” … dare I answer?

“What’s On your mind?” 

We see this question every day, posed to us by Facebook.  An innocent question, and perhaps a bit open ended.

The short answer to this question would be “LOTS”.  Ahhh, but we get too wrapped up in the cool factor of social media, and worrying more about how others might view your “personal drama” to actually answer this question truthfully.  Social media has turned more into a barrage of duck-lipped selfies and cat worship ( of which, yes I am guilty of as well ) than actually networking and being social.   A lot of times, its about the laugh, a funny picture or sharing George Takei’s latest post, which is a good thing, laughter heals.

I have seen people bitch and moan, ( and yes, I have done this too, I am not excluding myself from this analysis ) about what people post to their own walls.  As if its any of their business.  When taken into context, they are simply answering a very basic question.

For me it was religion, and people trying to “save” the world.  This would drive me completely bonkers.   Having had some time to think about things, and perhaps think how it might look to them seeing all my posts to my wall regarding trans related issues, and LGBT related posts, WHO AM I TO SAY ANYTHING?

What seems like drama to others could be a 2 ton weight on the shoulders of another.

In fact, part of the reason I decided to start this blog, was so I could actually start answering that very question, without seeming the “drama queen”  or just constantly whining on Facebook.   There are going to be a lot of days ahead where things are not so easy, and not so perfect.  Note that Facebook still to this day does not have a “dislike” button, not all posts are GOOD or HAPPY news.   Perhaps I too have fallen prey to the mainstream thought that Facebook and social media in general is reserved for the cool stuff only.   Perhaps I don’t want to offend anyone with the details of my transition.  It could also be that I don’t want to be called out for doing more or less the same to others.

I think we ( as a whole, yes WE ) need to stop being critical of what others put on social media, if it was posted, it was important to someone enough in the first place.  I know I am going to stop being so critical, after all, these people are my friends right?

So… just for fun.

Here is “what’s on my mind”.

• Waiting to hear from Dr. Raiche is driving me bonkers, I will most likely have to end up calling his office to confirm referral
• After doing a half shift at work on light duty, I am wondering how long its going to take to get back to normal.
• All the hoops I have to jump through regarding this accident are driving me insane, but I can’t talk about any of it… FRUSTRATING AS HELL
• Hoping I can get onto HRT as quickly as possible, and get things moving for a change, I have had this “parked” for so long its ridiculous.
• I am terrified at the huge step I am going to be taking in the near future, especially where work is concerned, and also about going full time as a trans-woman.  I want that more than anything, but honestly it scares the wits out of me at present.
• I am starting to meet some of the most WONDERFUL and SUPPORTIVE people I have ever met, open minded, and caring,  for that I am very lucky, and very thankful for.

Its a short list, and I suppose I could go on.  It just helps me personally to re-enforce what I was mentioning earlier, these items are important to me at current.  When my friends post, its important to them, I should and will be less critical of what’s out there.

Just a little bit of self exploration, I guess, thought I would share it.

Peace and love!

– Tamara

From Chewbacca to silky smooth … at home! A D.I.Y. gadget you may want – The Tria4X home Laser

Chewbacca Approved

Hi all!

I thought it might be good to share some of the things I have to go through during transition.

One of the biggest, aside from hormones is of course hair removal.  Yep, there is no getting around this one.  Some girls I know wax, some shave, some have paid for excessively expensive fees for professional treatments, and only one other that I know personally has used what I am going to try.

Doing it myself.

I heard of a home laser hair removal system called the Tria 4X.  Which apparently promises the same results as salon based treatment at a one time only cost of purchasing.  Naturally I was sceptical.  Another of those too good to be true things.  It was still intriguing enough for me to continue to research it more.

As it turns out, my ex, and our daughter just happened to have one.  At last! Someone I know who can tell me yes or no!

Tria 4X home Laser Hair Removal

They both say it works very well. Ah, but enter in the variable of physiology, they are both genetic female, how would it work though on my naturally MALE hair?  I needed to find someone in my situation who has used it as well.  I managed to find just that.   A Facebook friend named Dani told me she used the very same device to remove her beard and neck hair, and it was painful, and a long process.  BINGO!  So all I need is patience and just ignore the hurt.  All I needed to hear.

For a cost of $515.00 Canadian, I ordered mine, and it arrived VERY quickly.  ( link to their site will be at bottom of post )

I have started using it, and Dani was right, IT HURTS, but only where there is hair, a ha!! So that tells me it is indeed targeting what it should be.  It has 5 power levels, 1 ( for weaklings like myself – for now) to 5 ( pain threshold of say…. Deadpool ), and also has a safety feature that makes you unlock the laser on a patch of skin that you will be treating.  I checks to see if your skin tone is within acceptable treatment shade, and hair is dark enough.

I will, as time goes on post results, and further elaborate on the results I get, as I think this is a remarkable solution for transgender individuals who are perhaps to shy or scared to go into a public salon and start talking about removing trademark male hair.

Save Money!

The cost savings alone also make this device a huge advantage as well.  With the one time cost compared to potentially thousands spent in salon treatment, the clear winner is obvious.

I will continue to update my progress with it.

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Here is the link to Tria home Beauty Solutions website:

Tria Home Beauty Solutions

Also, the direct link for the Laser 4X:

Tria Laser Hair Removal

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Thanks for reading!

Stay smooth!

– Tamara

Back to the grindstone …

Not much really to post today.   Mostly things are at a halt, a sort of limbo while I wait to be contacted by Dr. Raiche.

Today I do go back to work for the first time in over 2 weeks.  I was in a car accident, can’t discuss it more than just to say that I was.  This having no money thing is getting sort of stale, and need to get back to making some.

Finally feeling good enough to get back to it, in a limited sense at least. 🙂

Looking forward to when things get back to normal, or well my personal flavour of normal anyway.  lol

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Peace and Love!

-Tamara

Every Journey needs a Beginning – This is mine.

Yup, the starting point

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Hello World

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So, like everything else; books, movies, stories, there has to be a starting point.  A beginning. This is mine.

A 44 yr old ex Trucker looking to change everything. 😉

I post this not only for the benefit of the readers, but also for my own benefit as I continue on this journey.  I know for a fact from time to time, when things are seeming low or down, that I will need a reminder of how far I have come.   This photo will at least serve that purpose.

I will also be neat to compare as I post progressive pics as the efects of Spiro and Estrogen start to work their magic.

Where I am trying to get back to, but permanently.

I am not trying to set unrealistic goals, and know full well the difficulties facing me.  This post though, only serves as a baseline, the control.  Ground zero if you will.  This has been an incredibly long and sometimes torturous bout of acceptance, self hate, purging, and discovery.  Just getting to the point where I could finally be happy with myself was hard enough.

The wonderful thing though about it, is for the first time in a very long time, I am happy!   Honestly happy.   Everyone who knew me beforehand knows how downright miserable I was and I mean horrifyingly miserable.  I would give the Grinch a run for his money.

Now that I know how to be happy, and enjoy life, my friends, and see the positive for a change.   I can now try to get back to the pic to the right.  ( Or try to get as close as I can again. )

That was me a LONG time ago when I was figuring myself out, and involved in a local C/D social club.  It was a time when I was having the most fun, and still more or less being “me”.

So, now we have a start.  We have a more or less desired end. Our collective goal.  I guess its my job to fill in all the blank pages, and get from point A to B, and document it the best I can.
Thank you for joining me!

Peace and Love!

– Tamara