Every Journey needs a Beginning – This is mine.

Me

Yup, the starting point


Hello World


So, like everything else; books, movies, stories, there has to be a starting point.  A beginning. This is mine.

A 44 yr old ex Trucker looking to change everything. 😉

I post this not only for the benefit of the readers, but also for my own benefit as I continue on this journey.  I know for a fact from time to time, when things are seeming low or down, that I will need a reminder of how far I have come.   This photo will at least serve that purpose.

I will also be neat to compare as I post progressive pics as the efects of Spiro and Estrogen start to work their magic.

Black Dress

Where I am trying to get back to, but permanently.

I am not trying to set unrealistic goals, and know full well the difficulties facing me.  This post though, only serves as a baseline, the control.  Ground zero if you will.  This has been an incredibly long and sometimes torturous bout of acceptance, self hate, purging, and discovery.  Just getting to the point where I could finally be happy with myself was hard enough.

The wonderful thing though about it, is for the first time in a very long time, I am happy!   Honestly happy.   Everyone who knew me beforehand knows how downright miserable I was and I mean horrifyingly miserable.  I would give the Grinch a run for his money.

Now that I know how to be happy, and enjoy life, my friends, and see the positive for a change.   I can now try to get back to the pic to the right.  ( Or try to get as close as I can again. )

That was me a LONG time ago when I was figuring myself out, and involved in a local C/D social club.  It was a time when I was having the most fun, and still more or less being “me”.

So, now we have a start.  We have a more or less desired end. Our collective goal.  I guess its my job to fill in all the blank pages, and get from point A to B, and document it the best I can.
Thank you for joining me!

Peace and Love!

– Tamara

Where things are currently

Just wanted to get a post up detailing more or less where I sit currently.

HRT:

I went to see one psych about getting on HRT, and was told that it would take anywhere from 8 – 12 sessions with her ( at $180.00 per session no less!) for her to evaluate me.

OH REALLY?  No thanks.

Through a trans male friend of mine ( yup going the opposite direction! ) right here in Calgary, I was able to hook up with a much better psych, who just happens to be gay as well.  This saves a whole lot of time explaining anything about shame, hiding, fear, self hate… ALL of that.

1 Session with him, moved onto the next round!  Easy peasy! 🙂

Thanks to his referral, I am now waiting for contact from Dr. Raiche’s office, who is essentially THE Gatekeeper in Calgary, the last stop before Dr. Jablonski (Endocrinologist, hormones).

Employment:

While I wait, I have to also consider how I am going to approach coming out at work as well, and the effects it will have.  It is the final step to me going full time.

Frankly I am terrified.

I will make it work, but it scares the hell out of me just thinking about it.

Peace and love!

— Tamara